One of the most frustrating things about being a future military wife is that people feel the need to continuously tell me about all the “benefits” of being involved with the military and then try to tell me about things they assume I have. For example, I recently went part time at work and therefore no longer qualify for their health coverage. One of the girls I work with kept telling me that we should hurry up and get married because then I could get tricare and I wouldn’t have to pay anything out of pocket. Sigh.... Not true. First of all, my fiance is in the Army reserves, and is only considered active duty while on deployment. While it’s true that reserve families can qualify for tricare not all military personnel qualify for the same things. My fiance works as a mechanic for the DOD, but he works on the civilian side, even though it’s a miltech position. What does all this mean? Well in my own terms, it means we get fucked. He has to purchase regular insurance through the job the same as you would any other job and it’s just as expensive. To be honest, before I went part time, I had our daughter covered under my insurance because it was actually cheaper than his. It also means that if his contract is up and he’s resigning a new one, we aren’t allowed to collect the sign on bonus. The part that’s screwy? Even though it’s considered a civilian job, and he can show up in civilian clothing, not official uniform, it’s a “miltech” position which means he has to be a current enlisted member of the military to keep the job, we just can’t accept any of the benefits on the military side. Make any sense? Good, not to me either. In fact, there’s a ton of stuff that doesn’t make sense to me. It always seems like there’s so many things the military does to make it seem like they leave our men swimming against the stream. In no way am I degrading our military. I support all the things our military means for our Country and all the reasons our men and women enlist. My fiance’s job and the extra income he gets from the military affords my family our home. We still struggle with everyday finances but we’re ok. Living with the military on an intimate level though, forces me to see things from another perspective. I see the struggles he has to go through to take care of anything involving his own health. The extremely out of the way trips he has to make to designated health facilities, paperwork and forms that aren’t processed properly or in a timely fashion, the sacrifices he makes as well as our family. Do the few benefits we get really add up to what they should? Does he get taken care of the way he should? Get reimbursed the way he should for all that he does? The price tag put on his life, on our marriage, on our children’s time away from their father, and you talk about benefits? Considering the personal price my family pays, that all of the families in the military pay, whatever benefits we get, some better than others depending on rank and the position they hold, reservist or active duty, I don’t know that we all feel that the benefits outweigh the sacrifice. Most of us would rather have our spouses home with us. Not have to worry about when they’re gonna be pulled away, worry about their well being, and the well being of our children who can’t fully understand the entirety of the situation and why their dad can’t be home with them. You talk about benefits I don’t even have, and even if I did, I still don’t know that they would all be worth it. What is worth the sacrifice, is supporting the man I love while he fights for something he believes in. While he makes the sacrifices so other families don’t have to. So while you’re enjoying peaceful time with your family and being together celebrating every holiday and special moments like birthdays, and loving each other up close, as you should be able to, remember that some families have to rely on sketchy internet service while trying to skype on Christmas morning. Some families are missing birthdays, graduations, school concerts, the first visit from the tooth fairy, anniversaries, and even births. Think to yourself before you make a comment about all the “great benefits” the military has, what those moments mean to you. Is it worth free healthcare? That extra $200 from weekend drill? The discounts at select restaurants? Is that really worth missing all those special moments? Perhaps to some, but I’m guessing it’s to the ones who have never actually had to give all that up. For us, or at least for me, the benefits that are worth it, is knowing that my fiance gets to lay his head down on his pillow at night knowing that he did something with his life. That he made himself into a man that he can be proud to look in the mirror at, and that this is a decision he made before he met me. I will support him through this, because this is the life he chose. I didn’t choose this life. I chose HIM, not all the so called benefits that come with him. For military spouses, there’s often more heartache than benefits. We chose our men because of who they are and what they stand for and that is what we try to remember when we’re faced with all the troubled times. I can’t imagine one time a wife would be lying on her bed, draped over an empty pillow, clutching it tightly while she cries herself to sleep where she stops and thinks, at least I have free healthcare. I know people mean well, and non military people don’t see it the same way, but all I ask is that you think of what our families are actually paying for those “benefits” you want us to be so excited about. For our families it isn’t actually free. It comes at a steep price that costs our families more than you could ever imagine. So, I ask you now? Do the benefits still sound so great?
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