Let’s face it, we all want to have the perfect pre-deployment relationship and enjoy what time we have left with the short amount of notice we’re sometimes given. Nobody wants to spend these moments arguing or bickering with our spouses or significant others. But how do we balance what we want with the reality of life? Chances are NOBODY has the perfect husband. Sure he may be loving, helpful, caring, supportive, and a good father, all of which are great things and qualities to love about him. Probably some of the reasons you fell in love with him to begin with, but can you honestly say that he never pushes your buttons or does something that might frustrate you? Probably not, because I’m sure that we do the same to them on occasion. I can only think of one real argument or fight that my fiance and I have had that actually involved yelling. Mostly, they’re just your typical disagreements, or “are you kidding me!?” moments. So how do you deal with things in the months or weeks (whatever the military was nice enough to give you) leading up to deployment? It’s hard. There may be something that happens that normally you would want to say something about, but now that you have limited time, you don’t want to rock the boat. How can you have that perfect relationship when you’re still dealing with the normal everyday life? Realistically? You can’t, and that’s ok. You can’t hold everything back just because you’re already dealing with the stress of an upcoming deployment. I would however, pick and choose your battles. This is typically my policy in general, but it’s natural that during this limited time that seems to fly by, you want things to be as smooth as possible. My fiance and I are pretty good at communicating and talking about things and I think this helps us, but there are some things that I might feel more strongly about, or something that he might say or do that aggravates me. I mean let’s face it, he’s a man folks. You can’t feel guilty for how you feel or feel disinclined to speak your mind simply because you’re facing unfavorable circumstances. You still need to be true to YOU. Deployments are stressful for everyone involved so there are going to be times that you might feel more tense or on edge and that’s to be expected on both sides. So just keep doing what you’re doing because breaking that chain of communication is a bad habit to start especially during this time. Just remember, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. An old cliche’, but it doesn’t make it any less true. What’s important is that you talk through it and discuss the issue. It’s not about the disagreements you have, because that’s normal. It’s how you approach them and how you get through them that makes you a strong couple. Life happens and WILL CONTINUE to happen. There’s no pause button for situations like this, no matter how much we wish there was one…. Sooo what exactly was my lesson in all this? “Don’t be afraid to make a few waves so long as you built a ship strong enough to withstand the storm”.
Comments